Last week we submitted our first bid list. For our Dushanbe assignment we didn’t have a choice, but were still put through a bit of a ringer. They changed their minds a few times before landing on Tajikistan.

So here we are in Dushanbe. It’s been 9.5 months and we have over 14 left and they want us to plan for our next assignment. Living in the present isn’t really something the Foreign Service understands apparently.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for prior planning. But it’s got to be hard not to mentally check-out once you know what’s next.

Bidding has been described to me as a middle school love note where they always check maybe. Something like this:

I really, truly hated middle school.

For me though, the hardest part of bidding isn’t the research or the wondering or the getting your hopes up for something you may not get. It’s the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with me. It’s all about Sean.

I could be the world’s greatest CLO, or I could totally suck at it. It doesn’t matter. As the trailing spouse my performance here doesn’t mean anything to the assignment overlords or whatever their official titles are. They only look at Sean and the job he’s done here. It’s a lot of pressure. We try to share every responsibility in our marriage but this is completely on him and I hate it. I hate that I can’t help him. I hate that he has to go at this alone.

Luckily, Sean kicks ass so I’m not even a little worried about our future.

As much as this process was stressful, it’s hard not to get excited for the possibilities.

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