I really hate the question “what’s wrong?” sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. Sometimes what’s wrong can be easily fixed.
“My head hurts.” Take some medicine.
“I’m tired.” Go to sleep.
“That picture on the wall is crooked.” Ok, weirdo, go straighten it.
These are all simple problems that warrant simple solutions. But lately, when people ask me “what’s wrong?” I don’t have a simple answer.
This time last year was when I dropped out of euphoria and fell into culture shock. It wasn’t a fun time. I hated everyone and everything. Thankfully, I was surrounded by people who have been through it and helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We had a great summer in Dushanbe which culminated in a much-needed trip back home to recharge our batteries and begin the second year of this tour invigorated. Plus, we were on the downward slope now! One year to go.
Then, a multitude of things happened. I won’t go into details since that’s not really the point of this post. Suffice it to say that several things happened in one week that left me so stressed out that I broke down into uncontrollable tears for two days.
Note to self: work Kristen and social Kristen need to communicate so you don’t have two major parties happening one day apart. I’m looking at you Halloween.
Once my crazy week was over, I was hopeful things would calm down and I’d start feeling like myself again.Well, three weeks later, I’m not there yet. I’m not saying I’m depressed – I know what that looks like and I’m nowhere close – it’s just been hard lately. Every day I think “nothing should happen today to make me sad or upset” and then BAM! something happens.
It doesn’t help that it’s dark and I suffer from a usually-mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder (basically the sun goes away and my body says “WTF WHERE’S MY VITAMIN D?!” and pouts for a few months). It doesn’t help that the holidays are approaching and they just aren’t the same in a Muslim country. And it doesn’t help that we have an extra stowaway puppy in the house right now and even though he’s a sweetie, it’s still one extra dog in the house doing dog things like terrorizing cats and peeing on floors.
So I don’t really have a good answer when people ask me “what’s wrong?” these days. Some days I don’t know. Some days it’s nothing anyone can really fix. And some days I just don’t want to talk about it.
I can tell you this much though, I’m fine. Or I will be quite soon.